What Makes a Relationship Work?
John Gottman, the world-famous marriage researcher, has developed a model of what people in
positive, long-lasting relationships do. His most well-known book is The Seven Principles for Making
Marriage Work). He can predict with great accuracy whether or not a relationship will survive simply by
observing for 15 minutes how a couple handles disagreements.
The key to a lasting relationship turns out to be FRIENDSHIP. Gottman defines friendship as mutual
respect for and enjoyment of each other’s company. He states that the quality of friendship determines
70% of the sense of satisfaction for both men and women in a long-term relationship.
The bottom line: if you want to be happy in your current or next relationship, do everything you can to
make your partner your best friend.
How do you do that? Gottman describes seven core principles of successful long-term relationships.
- Really get to know each other well.
- Nurture your fondness for and admiration of your partner.
- Turn toward each other instead of turning away.
- Let your partner influence you. Let your partner influence you.
- Solve solvable problems.
- Overcome gridlock.
- Create shared meaning in the relationship.