A Declaration is a phrase that speaks something into existence from nothing. Just like the Declaration of Independence spoke our new free nation into existence, we can declare a new relationship into existence through our words and intentions. The new nation didn’t look any different just by saying so, but our forefathers were committed to their Declaration and it began to show up just as they said.
Spend 15-20 minutes writing a letter to your co-parent. In that letter you will bring forth a new relationship into existence by declaring what you are committed to. Remember that you are not negotiating a bargain, “if you promise to do this, then you can count on me to do that.” Be mindful that you are not telling your co-parent how they should equally contribute, “if we both do this or that.”
You ARE telling your co-parent what they can count on you for, “You can count on me to be on-time or to answer your texts, or have your back with bedtimes or homework….” Since this declaration is only an assignment, this would be a good place to acknowledge where you failed in your role as a partner without the need to defend your behaviors. With authenticity this exercise can be powerful and healing for you.
Sometimes I like to reframe the context to better understand the purpose. So, if I were writing to my child’s teacher, and I wanted them to know that they could count on me, I would make promises based on tangible actions that make a real difference to the teacher in their classroom. Telling my child’s teacher that they can count of me to love my child, makes little or no difference to the teacher, but actions like responding to texts, and being on-time would make a huge difference.
