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Newsletter for January 26, 2022


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How’s your week doing so far?

In today’s conversation, I want to share a beautiful message that I recently saw in Dr. Ann Gold Buscho’s article post about Co-Parenting. She said;
“I have never met parents who didn’t love their children. Parents almost always agree on one thing: they want their children to thrive. “We want what is best for them, what is in their best interest…” Parents may disagree about many things, or possibly everything, except this. They love their kids and hope that the children won’t suffer because of their parents’ divorce.” – Dr. Buscho
Co-Parenting can be a struggle but there are a few ways to break through to such situation isn’t impossible as well.

What can you and your co-parent do to protect your kids?

Acknowledge that as resilient as your children might appear, they often aren’t as resilient as they seem or as you wish they were. But there are things you can do to boost their resilience. Four loyalty traps can powerfully undermine your children’s well-being. Often parents are not aware that the children are caught in one or more of these traps.

The Four Loyalty Traps

Loyalty traps are the roles that children assume or you unintentionally put them in. Your children may be caught in any or all of these traps. These roles put the children in the middle of the divorce and into loyalty binds. You may not even be aware that you are putting the children in unhealthy roles. The good news is that when you are conscious of these traps, you can help your children disengage from them. They are: 1. Spy (“So does Daddy have a girlfriend?”) When you question your children about their time with their other parent, it often makes them uncomfortable. A child once told me, “I feel bad if I tell my mom how much fun I have at dad’s house. So, I tell her things like I don’t like his cooking or that I wish I was with her.” When you ask questions about what they do, whom they saw, and where they went, you are putting your child into the role of a spy. It is even worse when you ask about your ex’s dating or social life. 2. Messenger (“Tell your mom she needs to get a job!”) Let’s face it, many co-parents want as little contact as possible with each other. You may feel the other parent is controlling or intrusive. Or you may be emotionally triggered by any direct communication with your ex. 3. Confidante (“Let me tell you why your dad left us….”) Children often become “adultified” during a divorce. This means they believe they must be more mature and attentive to their parent. When you tell your son, “You’re the man of the house now,” you are asking your child to grow up too quickly. 4. Ally (“You need to support me and be on my side, now. Your mom doesn’t care about us anymore.”) You may recruit your child as your ally (or your child may think you need an ally) when you are hurt or angry at your ex. You may also want your child to see you as the better parent, even if this is not conscious. To read more..

In service to you and your family,

Managing Director, Hope4Families

UPCOMING EVENTS IN OUR CALENDAR

January 27, 2022: WHAT KIND OF PARENT ARE YOU?

Hope4Families encourages you to send us your events to be featured at our website!

To learn more about Hope4Families, check our Website: @https://hope4families.net/welcome

MEET OUR PROFESSIONAL OF THE WEEK

ADINA LEBOWITZ

Adina Lebowitz, MA, is a co-parenting educator and family mediator in Mpls/St Paul Minnesota having completed training with Dan Simon on Transformative Mediation. Her training also includes Health Coaching through the Institute for Integrative Nutrition, Active Parenting Leader Training in Co-parenting and Divorce curriculum, and a Master’s degree in Healthcare Management from the University of St. Thomas in Minneapolis, MN.
To learn more about Hope4Families, check our Website: @https://hope4families.net/welcome

FEATURED COURSES

Crushing Limiting Beliefs

All of us have beliefs that limit us and hold us back. Some of these beliefs were instilled in us by our parents. Others we’ve adopted at some point in our lives. Whatever the case, these beliefs seriously limit us. They keep us from achieving our full potential. They hamper our progress and stunt our growth.

If we’re going to achieve our fullest potential and truly be limitless, we must learn to identify and overcome our limiting beliefs. In this course, you’ll identify 14 key limiting beliefs that may be holding you back.

To learn more about Hope4Families, check our Website: @https://hope4families.net/welcome

© Kids Need Both,Inc DBA Hope4Families
PO Box 2022, 33806, Lakeland, FL, USA
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