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Session 21. Brain Change Review

H4FAdmin August 26, 2022
Have participants go to Appendix A to locate this review

Fair fighting.
Fair fighting is one of the most critical skills we can teach our clients. However, it’s important to
remember that all people disagree from time to time and so a certain amount of conflict is inevitable.
The goal here is to help clients learn to speak their minds while controlling their emotions, tone of voice,
words, and actions.

We provide a simple list of Fair Fighting Do’s and Don’ts on the next pages. We ask clients to identify the
three items on the “Don’t” list they most need to quit doing and the three items on the “Do” list they
need to improve.

This is a good topic for role plays. One way is to have the group members pair off, pick a topic, and first
have an unfair fight in which each person uses the three “don’ts” they’ve identified, followed by
addressing the same topic using the three positive items they selected. Here are a few possible topics:

• They are co-workers who have to work at the same time. One wants to start an hour earlier and
end an hour earlier, the other wants to keep the hours as they are.
• They are siblings whose mother or father is having a birthday. One wants to give that parent a
big party, the other just wants a small gathering.
• One is a Republican and the other a Democrat arguing over the value of Obamacare.

These are not intimate relationship scenarios. But people usually fight fairly or unfairly in similar ways
whatever the disagreement. However, after a couple role plays it is wise to steer the conversation
toward using the “Do’s” more and the “Don’ts” less in intimate situations.