The following pages contain a several page handout based on the couples research of John
Gottman. You may want to distribute the entire handout. However, since many clients prefer shorter
handouts and are more likely to refer to them and bring them home, you may want to give them only a
one page sheet that names the 7 stages of a good relationship. This one page handout is available as the
last page of this unit. If you choose to use that handout you should read carefully through the longer
one in order to be able to lead the discussion. Note: only the one page summary is included in the
participant manual.
Clients tend to believe they are much better at these friendship skills than they really are. One
way to steer the conversation toward what they do on a day to day basis rather than what they think
they do is to ask for specific examples. For example, “Who here can name your partner’s favorite color?”
“Can you give me an example of a time when you really listened to your partner and took his/her
advice?” What differences between you and your partner have you learned to accept rather than keep
fighting?”