Dating, Love and Rejection
We all have a basic need to be loved and to give love. Being in love means that two people give of themselves in an open, honest manner and feel good about themselves as a result. Many of us fear the loss of another’s love, affection, support, or caring because of our statements or actions. The most important relationship we have is with our parents. When our parents withdraw their love, we fear we are unlovable and feel rejected. As a result, we deny or avoid the feelings of rejection. Rejection is when someone refuses to accept our love and refuses to share his or hers.
1. What does love feel like to you? ____________________________________________
2. What kind of person do you tend to fall in love with? _____________________________
3. Do you feel your parents love you? __________________________________________
Why? Why not? _________________________________________________________
4. When is love healthy? ____________________________________________________
5. When does Love become unhealthy?________________________________________
6. What is “love addiction?” __________________________________________________
Since people can never completely control the actions of others, the best they can do is to be a friend to and support themselves.
1. When you are rejected, how do you feel? _____________________________________
2. Identify two people in your life you feel have rejected you. ________________________
3. What is the hardest part about being rejected? _________________________________
Take a couple of deep breaths. Feel the cool air injuring your nose and the warm air leaving. Wiggle around and make yourself comfortable. Pay attention to your body lying on the floor. Close your eyes and feel your body beginning to relax. I want you to get in touch with a time in your life that you felt rejected. The time may be now or it could be at an earlier time in your life.
Visualize the person who rejected you now standing before you. Get in touch with that feeling of being rejected. For the moment only, re-experienced the pain, the hurt, the feeling of loss. Re-experienced the feeling of rejection. Tell this person that despite his/her inability to accept you, you are still a fantastic person with a lot to offer. When he/she rejected you, it was his/her loss. Tell this person that where once you felt the pain of rejection, you are ready to let go of that pain, and give it back to its source.
Notice a table standing next to this person and on the table is a box, taped and sealed tight. In this box are all the feelings of pain, rejection, loss, and hurt you experienced with this person. Pick the box up and hand it to the person who rejected you. Notice that the person grabs hold of the box and for a brief moment, both of you are holding it together. Now, let go of your end of the box, step back, and keep stepping back slowly.
Tell the person you are leaving now and you no longer need to feel the pain of his/her rejection. Keep stepping back and away from the person. Feel the freedom in your stomach, in your heart, and in your head of being without his/her rejection. The person is getting smaller and smaller the further back you go. Soon he/she is just a small dot on the horizon. Now, the person is completely out of your view. He/She has left and taken the rejection. And that feels good.