Coping is Better Than Blaming
Every painful or hurtful situation presents a choice. You can blame somebody for what happened or you can use relaxation and coping skills to reduce your feelings of being upset, and then assert your needs in a non-blaming way. For example, if you tell someone that they are lazy for not doing some assigned tasks, if might really feel good for a minute to get it off your chest. But things will likely escalate from there. You both may end up shouting and the relationship may descend into the deep freeze. In a few weeks, it will be possible to make another choice. You might decide to use some relaxation techniques to lower your stress level, change some of your trigger thoughts, and talk with the other person, for example, non-blamingly about the problem of the uncompleted tasks.