Ask the “Big Question”
When anger arises, there is a moment where you have just enough time to catch the anger arising and try to suspend the action that will follow. It is this moment when you ask yourself – ‘What do I need right now to be OK and to be healthy in the long term?’ The answer to this question cannot be what someone else can do for you to be OK. The answer is what you can do for yourself to be OK. The answer requires you taking responsibility for your own feelings and actions. You cannot control what someone else is going to do; but you can control how you respond. For example, you are walking down the street on your way to work and someone yells and curses at you, “What do you need to be OK, and healthy in the long term?” Well, most likely you need to get to work and get on with your day. In other words, your answer is to simply ignore the provocateur and move on down the road. Rather than focus on the yeller you focus on what you really need.